Tuesday, April 17

Haterz gonna hate.

Actually, haterz need to stop.

Overweight women have always been self conscious about their weight, how they look, how others see them, and what gossipy women say when they aren't around. There's always a doubt in your mind that even your friends might be talking about why you're fat. Are you lazy? Gross? A pig? Have no self control? It could be genetic, it could be disease, or it could be a combination of all of these things, plus and unhealthy relationship with food. 

So, fat women have been called to stand up! And love their bodies. Embrace themselves the way they are, truly love themselves. This is a good thing right?

In a way, yes, because women should love themselves. Men should, too. (This isn't just about women, it just seems like women are the most vocal about it.)

So, people around the nations keep talking about how we should support fat/overweight people and help them love themselve. We should stop hating. Where does everyone else come into play? Should we hate on skinnys?

Is this what this should be striving to look like? I hope not!

Anorexia is not the answer.

Neither is this.


I always see articles talking about "real women" like skinny women are fake? All three women in this picture are beautiful, the one on the right is not more beautiful because she isn't skinny. She isn't boycotting skinny, she just is the way she is, and I'm sure the other two are too. We need to stop hating on skinny girls. Some are not skinny by choice. I had a friend that could eat twice as much food as me in a day; I would gain half a pound the next day and she would stay the same. Does that make her fake? Or any less real than me? No. She is real, too. So am I and so is that size 12.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please stop the hate. Remember that everyone is beautiful in his or her own way. Love yourself. Love your body. Love your friends. Respect yourself.

I'm not saying that if you are morbidly obese or extremely underweight you should just throw your hands in the air and say, "Well, this is me. Take it or leave it!" You should always strive to be a better you at everything you do, loving yourself in the process.

At first, it was very hard for me to understand how I could love myself unconditionally and still want to change. If I love myself, then I wouldn't want to change myself, right? Not necessarily. I decided that I can do both when I decide why I want to lose weight. I never wanted to lose weight before this year, but I weighed a lot less and I was a lot healthier. I realized that the main reason I wanted to lose weight is so that I could have a normal pregnancy, and also so that I wouldn't cringe when I saw myself in pictures. I'm back at a weight that I don't hate, I still have close to 100 pounds to lose but I love myself this way. And I'll love myself tomorrow when I go to the gym, and the next day when the scale moves down another pound. The love will still be there, but it wont grow as I lose weight. I wont be happier, except maybe in a superficial way, because I'll be able to buy cute clothes and maybe even borrow something out of my friends closet.

It may seem trivial... I have never borrowed clothes from my friends, I want that experience.

But mostly I want to be healthy. If I am healthy 30 pounds over weight, that's ok. 5 pounds under? That's ok, too.

Give yourself a good look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love you. Then continue to improve yourself, loving yourself as you go.

Spread the love guys. For skinny & fat, for anorexic & obese; spread the love.

Monday, April 16

Things go from bad to worse... and then to AWESOME

Before I talk about my awesome weekend I want to give a shout out to my number one fan, The Beautiful Jasmin. She always has words of encouragement and sometimes it's nice to know that someone is listing, even if that person is thousands of miles away. So I just wanted to say thanks Hot Stuff for reminding me that I'm only human and to keep my chin up. ^_^

I had a week. I had a strange week that it. I fell into a funk, a funk that I have not smelled in recent years, that left me lying on the couch all day Thursday until my Mother came home to pry me off of it. I didn't go to the gym at all this week, Thursday included, and I know that my husband could see it in my eyes that I was in no mood for him to push me, because I had checked out. My mom and I had plans to go to Karaoke that night and I tried to back out at the last minute, but she forced me to go. My husband had gone to the gym, with little pleading for me to join him because he knew any effort would be futile, and my mom knew better that to leave me home alone. So I gave in, I figured my dad would buy me a drink and everything would be grand.

It wasn't regular karaoke at our local bar, it was a karaoke contest held at bowling places across the nation. My mom begged me to sing and they had my song (one of many that I sing on a regular basis) so I got in the contest. Pfffft. I wasn't singing to win but I still gave my all because I love to sing. About twelve contestants sang that night, my mom and co-worker included. I thought of course my mom will win, she's awesome!  They announced that they would be calling the winners, in no particular order, and this winners would go on to the semifinals. The first name she called was mine. WHAT! I looked around the room, waiting to see another Sasha walk up and I walked over to the stage, overwhelmed and blushing, I'm sure. I was freaking out on the inside but I totally kept my cool. She called four other peoples names and on May 9th they will have us battle to see who will go on to the semifinals, I'm not sure how many they will pick but this is so cool. Like little kid in a candy shop for the first time cool.


So I got a $5 card for playing games for participating and $25 card (good for anything but alcohol, dammit) for #winning and it was sweet. I can't wait to bowl. lol. Anyway, my mom did not win. If you have ever heard her sing you know that she is awesome, I was just as surprised as you are. Her stupid co-worker did win though. Cool. She half assed congratulated me after I was like, "OMG YOU WON TOO THIS IS SO COOL CONGRATS!" Then she was like, yeah. Meh to you too bitch. Ugh. Enough of her. 

There is more to this awesome story. They lady that is running the contest also owns a theatre. She asked me to fucking perform. What, did I just cuss? Yeah I did, I was just freaking out a bit. She asked me to perform at the theatre, not sing karaoke, perform a song. No, three songs. Yep. I'm gonna be famous. 


I've been high all weekend. We went over to said karaoke lady's house Friday night to buy a cd, because she sells karaoke cds out of her house, and she had me go ahead and freaking sign up. Is this happening? Yes it is. So I'm going to be singing on May 19! It's $9 for adults, $7 for kids, if you would like to come let me know so that I can let you know the time and place. I would love to have all of your support. It's going to be awesome.


Wednesday, April 11

Diet sabotage and why do they think I'm a child?

Happy Wednesday Folks! Wednesday means we are closer to the weekend, it also means that I don't have class until Monday. YAY! This week has been exhausting as you all know and I am ready for a nap. Actually, I'm ready for hibernation.

Iranian parents (and probably others ethnicity's too, I'm not sure) have a way of making sure you know that you are still a child and always will be. I don't mean telling you they love you and that you will always be their baby. I'm 24, I've been married for almost 5 years, I lived in a foreign country (without them!) and I'm very responsible. They still see me as the 16 year old fuck up I was 8 years ago. Well news flash baba joon, (daddy) I'm not 16, I'm an adult that knows shit. I'm not some self-absorbed woman who thinks she knows everything and wants to be waited on hand and foot- but I think that's what they think. I just want some respect.


When's it gonna be my turn? When do I get to be treated like a grown up? Never!? I had a horrible weekend. I locked my self in my room for four days; I didn't sleep& I didn't eat. Does anyone ask me if I want a sandwich? No. Does anyone ask me if I'm ok? No. Does anyone check on me to see if I'm even alive? NO! And I don't expect them to. I don't want them to. But when I finally get home from school Monday I crashed then on Tuesday when I see my mom she has the audacity to ask me why I didn't do anything around the house? Couldn't I have put the dishes away? NO MOM, NO I COULDN'T! I didn't even shower for longer than I would like to admit, then I pulled an all-nighter and went to school. I didn't eat. I didn't even see the kitchen mom. So STOP bitching at me.

OMG. The constant bitching is starting to drive me crazy.

I need to get out of here. The constant bitching bitching is in my head and I can't get it out. I need my own place. My husband and I live with my parents, it's wonderful, sure. I'm thankful that we can stay somewhere rent free, and we don't have any bills to pay...but I'm getting to the point where my well being is much more important. I'm on the verge of tears, the only reason I'm not crying is because I'm at school. *deep breath* Just the thought of staying in this house any longer drives me mad. I need a break from them.

They were supposed to go to Iran this summer but my dad has recently told me that they probably aren't going. Ugh. Why aren't they going? I need them to go. I probably sound like a horrible daughter, I'm not. I love my parents. But I need my own space. Maybe it's my maternal instincts kicking in. I'm not a mommy but I think women start to get maternal at a certain age, mine happened early in life, I always feel like I have to take care of everyone. It's it time I take care of me?

The stress is getting to me. And ruining my diet. I've been stress eating/sabotaging my diet. I've been eating whatever I want since Thursday. I can't seem to get back where I need to be. I'm so close to my 25 pound mark and I think I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself. Why? Because I suck.

At least that's how I feel a lot lately. Like I suck at everything I do. With the constant nagging from everyone in my house, the fact that I had to drop a class and I can't seem to eat the way I should I feel like a failure. Am I? Am I failing at life? These things are always going through my mind. Do I really suck at being me or is my depression coming back...? I though I was over that part in my life. The part where depression took over my life....

I need an out. I need to escape. I really need school to be over this semester and I need to relax. I'm fighting to hold the tears back and this post has just been me ranting. I need some me time.

Monday, April 9

More life craziness

Between the 5 page philosophy paper, my math homework and the stupid group speech that were all due today I barely had time to do anything I needed to do this weekend, besides one load of laundry. I stayed up all night trying to finish my paper. I stayed up all night and all morning and all day and I'm still awake. I've been awake since yesterday morning but instead of sleeping like a normal person I'm sitting at my laptop, blogging. When we got home at 8:30 I crawled into bed and moaned for my husband to turn off the light so that I could sleep. He obeyed (haha, wishful thinking there..) and left the room. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was wide awake. I tried closing my eyes but to no avail. I am awake on my bed and not off in dreamland.

So, my diet is going alright. I haven't been eating as well as I could have the last few days because I've been really stressed. I'm not making excuses for stress eating, I'm just telling it like it is. I do it a lot less than I used to and I know I'll get to the point where I wont do it at all. I still lost a pound the last couple days since I've been exercising like a beast!

I'm starting to get tired again but I'm afraid that I won't actually be able to sleep. Arg.

I've thought of some goal idea:
25lbs parasol- because I want to use it every day so that my skin stays porcelain and beautiful. (Well, stays fair at least....)
50lbs expensive cateye glasses- unless I find nice, cheap ones. Then I'll be extra happy that there money in my pockets. Last year I found some beautiful ones that were 400 bucks. Uh, I don't care who's name is on it, I'm not paying $400 for a piece of plastic. I'm not sure which is the Persian in me. The Persian in me wants designer stuff (I don't, she does) but the other Persian in me LOVES a good sale. I hope the later wins because I don't actually like designer stuff...

I'm about to fall asleep. This is my Que to leave, until next time


Thursday, April 5

Life's been crazy

Oh how busy life has been. *sigh* I feel like I have a minute to actually sit and take a break. It's not true though, I don't actually have time to site, take a break, or write. But I'm going to because I NEED a break. I'm so stressed out, I talked to an adviser at school yesterday and I found out that there are some classes missing from my degree plan. Ugh. The adviser I talked to last year gave me a list of classes blah blah blah but it looks like I'm missing what seems like half of them. I was so frustrated. SO the counselor I talked to yesterday put me back on the right track and she was really helpful. I also called the University that I'm transferring to make sure that I'm on the right track. I am. Yay. I'm also more behind than I thought I was. And that's OKAY. So here's to me saying everything happens for a reason and this was meant to be. *clink* (That was green tea by the way, I'm still on a diet so no wine for me. ~_^ )

How's my diet and exercise program going you ask? Very well thank you. I've lost 21 pounds in 41 days -hold your applause please, you're making me blush- it's so exciting. I've been going to the gym 4 days a week, my husband has been pushing me pretty hard. I've missed a day or two but he never does. We have had midnight gym sessions. Early morning sessions. And everything in between. I should really post a picture of my guns. My biceps are ridiculously hard. It's the end of the third week and I'm already seeing results. Nice. I haven't seen any muscle growth, which it fine with me, but my arms are smaller and my shoulder are rounder. I already feel sexier. I'm also in dire need of some new pants. I only have one pair of jeans and they are starting to fall off but I'm gonna wait until I can't keep when up anymore before I buy new ones. I have enough dresses and leggings that it can wait.

Although the beautiful Jennifer Nicole Lee is still my fitspiration, I decided to go with a different workout. I wanted to do the same workout as my husband so that we could go to the gym together, spot each other, and push one another. It's working because one night he made me to the gym at 11:00 pm. We didn't get home until 1:00 am. We are there for sooo long. But it is so worth it. Kris Gethin's 12 week workout has been awesome so far. I would recommend it to anyone trying to tone up, gain muscle, and lose weight.

It is a myth that if women lift heavy they will look this

Although Lenda Murray is beautiful and obviously very dedicated, she did NOT get this way just by lifting heavy. She took supplements, more protein than you could imagine, and she was probably taking testosterone injections. Because that's the secret. Women do not naturally have enough testosterone in their bodies to build this much muscle, I don't care how many supplements and protein shakes they have a day. It's impossible. Really. Plus, she probably less than 10% body fat, which means that she isn't even having her period. Gross, right? Healthy body fat percentage for women is between 21%-33% The essential body fat percentage it between 8%-12%, which means you need at lease that much to have kids and protect your internal organs, less that that is dangerous and even that percentage is too low, it would probably fall in the "underweight" category.

Rambling aside ladies, don't be afraid to lift heavy! Lifting heavy is good for you. It promotes strong bones, you'll look awesome, and don't forget, resting muscle burns much more calories than resting fat. What does that mean? If you are trying to maintain your weight, you can actually eat more and still stay the same. If you are losing, it means that if you mess up and have a candy bar one night because you were really stressed about your Chemistry test you might still weigh half a pound less in the morning, I know I did. Working out means being about to eat things I know I shouldn't a little more often.

I'm on my way to the gym.

Monday, March 19

Death of Spring Break, Birth of Fitspiration

Spring break is officially over. It's after midnight and I have school in the morning. *Sigh* Why can't I be 4 years old forever? My mom stayed at home until I was sixteen and this past week I got a taste of that again. My husband and my dad worked all week but since my mom works for the school district she had the week off. We spent every day together. We usually bicker -a lot- but this week was different. Maybe it's because we weren't as stressed? Probably. We went shopping, I got her a pedicure for her birthday, and we had fun. But spring break went by way to fast and I seem to be just as behind as I was before spring break.

My plan to organize my closet? HA. Get ahead on my homework? HA.HA. Was it much of a break? HA.HA.HA. I have no idea where my mini-vacation went. Between the Nowruz parties, khooneh takooni (remember, house shaking/cleaning), Chaharshanbe suri, being a wife, and homework, I was unable to do anything that I wanted/needed to do. Except for one thing.

My new workout plan. My husband goes to the gym every single day. He is determined to lose a few pounds of fat (maybe 10) and gain as much muscle as he can without looking like a freaky bodybuilder.

Uh, I'll pass, thanks.

So we are starting a new plan tomorrow. A bodybuilders plan. A lean meat, complex carb, 3 protein shakes a day plan. I am so ready. Mentally and physically. I've lost 15 pounds already, I have the mindset down. I love going to the gym and I love lifting weights; I also love sitting on the couch though. This time is different. He is really serious about his training and I will be too. I'm so excited. I know he'll push me the way he pushes himself.

I needed a little thinspiration FITspiration I don't wanna be skinny. I wanna be lean and look like JNL.

She is so sexy and not gross like some bodybuilder women.

Jennifer Nicole Lee -JNL

JNL used to weigh over 200 pounds. Do you believe that? I want to be her. I want her body. And her boobs. I want to be a fitness model. I may not ever pose in a bikini for thousands to see but I wanna have the ability to do so if I please.

So, with the help of my FITspiratin and the new motto I learned, Strong is the new skinny, I am on my way. I never wanted to be skinny, and I'm already pretty strong, so here's to reaching our goals and never straying from the path. Cheers. (with water of course, gotta get my gallon in. ^_~)

Thursday, March 15

Chaharshanbe Soori

The Festival Of Fire. The last Wednesday Eve (or they could just call it Tuesday night) before Nowruz. Or is it Nowrooz? Nowrouz? Norouz? NoRuz? I'm not sure how to spell it... but whatever. BTW Persians, hear me out, can we please come to an agreement about to spell Persian words. Thank you.

As I was saying. The Festival of Fire was last night and it was FUN! We got there late. Not Persian Central Time late, like really late. Everyone had already jumped over the fire and they were dancing around the pavilion like drunken idiots the adorable people they are. So I told my Amoo Joon, my dear uncle, that I didn't even get to see a fire and he made me one. A small, very special fire. We chanted zardi-ye man az to, sorkhi-ye to az man, literally my yellow [sickness] is yours, your fiery red color is mine.

I spent time with the people I love, avoided the people I don't, I ate salad olivie and cutlet and hot chai. Perfection.

Eid is just around the corner, we're invited to about 30 parties this weekend. We are going to 1, maybe 2. If we can get to the first one early enough to leave early then maybe we can make it to the second one. Ooh, that reminds me, I should go to bed so that I can get up and go Eid dress shopping. Or maybe I'll just go to sleep and not wake up in the morning because it's spring break and I don't care enough about a dress to actually wake up early. Hmm, I must either be sick or not Persian.