Happy Wednesday Folks! Wednesday means we are closer to the weekend, it also means that I don't have class until Monday. YAY! This week has been exhausting as you all know and I am ready for a nap. Actually, I'm ready for hibernation.
Iranian parents (and probably others ethnicity's too, I'm not sure) have a way of making sure you know that you are still a child and always will be. I don't mean telling you they love you and that you will always be their baby. I'm 24, I've been married for almost 5 years, I lived in a foreign country (without them!) and I'm very responsible. They still see me as the 16 year old fuck up I was 8 years ago. Well news flash baba joon, (daddy) I'm not 16, I'm an adult that knows shit. I'm not some self-absorbed woman who thinks she knows everything and wants to be waited on hand and foot- but I think that's what they think. I just want some respect.
ha.
When's it gonna be my turn? When do I get to be treated like a grown up? Never!? I had a horrible weekend. I locked my self in my room for four days; I didn't sleep& I didn't eat. Does anyone ask me if I want a sandwich? No. Does anyone ask me if I'm ok? No. Does anyone check on me to see if I'm even alive? NO! And I don't expect them to. I don't want them to. But when I finally get home from school Monday I crashed then on Tuesday when I see my mom she has the audacity to ask me why I didn't do anything around the house? Couldn't I have put the dishes away? NO MOM, NO I COULDN'T! I didn't even shower for longer than I would like to admit, then I pulled an all-nighter and went to school. I didn't eat. I didn't even see the kitchen mom. So STOP bitching at me.
OMG. The constant bitching is starting to drive me crazy.
I need to get out of here. The constant bitching bitching is in my head and I can't get it out. I need my own place. My husband and I live with my parents, it's wonderful, sure. I'm thankful that we can stay somewhere rent free, and we don't have any bills to pay...but I'm getting to the point where my well being is much more important. I'm on the verge of tears, the only reason I'm not crying is because I'm at school. *deep breath* Just the thought of staying in this house any longer drives me mad. I need a break from them.
They were supposed to go to Iran this summer but my dad has recently told me that they probably aren't going. Ugh. Why aren't they going? I need them to go. I probably sound like a horrible daughter, I'm not. I love my parents. But I need my own space. Maybe it's my maternal instincts kicking in. I'm not a mommy but I think women start to get maternal at a certain age, mine happened early in life, I always feel like I have to take care of everyone. It's it time I take care of me?
The stress is getting to me. And ruining my diet. I've been stress eating/sabotaging my diet. I've been eating whatever I want since Thursday. I can't seem to get back where I need to be. I'm so close to my 25 pound mark and I think I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself. Why? Because I suck.
At least that's how I feel a lot lately. Like I suck at everything I do. With the constant nagging from everyone in my house, the fact that I had to drop a class and I can't seem to eat the way I should I feel like a failure. Am I? Am I failing at life? These things are always going through my mind. Do I really suck at being me or is my depression coming back...? I though I was over that part in my life. The part where depression took over my life....
I need an out. I need to escape. I really need school to be over this semester and I need to relax. I'm fighting to hold the tears back and this post has just been me ranting. I need some me time.
Girl, I feel the same when whenever I go home for breaks, though I have the assurance that the parental-nagging will come to an end when I return to school. Unfortunately you don't have that :( It's a big shock coming from having complete autonomy over your life, your behavior, your actions, then to come home to dictatorial standards (perhaps I'm exaggerating a little, but still having curfew can be a tad nonsensical for a 21 year old girl who has been living on her own, though not financially, for the past three years). Parents are stubborn, set in their ways, and never change. With that said, I support you and Ata getting a place on your own! It will be tough to balance bills, school, weight-loss, your family, or just life in general, but it seems like it's tough to be at home too. The lesser of two evils, eh ;)?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I read this blog post earlier this week that spoke mountains to me about my unhealthy relationship with food (I'm working on it!). Don't stress too much about the diet sabotage, no one is perfect and we all have out slip ups. Check it out! http://runningwithguts.tumblr.com/post/20888549186/sometimes-i-think-people-that-struggle-with-food-are
Chin up darling, love you!! MUAH! xoxo